also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
