its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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