uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
