Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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