If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
