I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize