and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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