matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
