Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
