I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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