Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
