So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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