Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
