im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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