Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
