i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
