I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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