We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
