Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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