Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
