Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think I won the penis lottery.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
