Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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