I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
