the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
