Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
