the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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