One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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