If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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