I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
