We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
