lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
