Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
