is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
