Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
