East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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