You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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