I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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