I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
