I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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