just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
