i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
if only i could text you this smell
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
