And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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