it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
