Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
