i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
