Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was like giving head to a cactus.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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