so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize