On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
