every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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