I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
im six kinds of drunk right now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
