He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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