I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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