So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
