omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
