The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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