I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
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