Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
