I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
