i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
