Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
