your room smells of hookers.
And success
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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