fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
