I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My feet surprised me
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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