Apparently you make a good broom.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
