Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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