Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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