It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
