How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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