She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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