clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
