GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
