Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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