That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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