youre lurking in front of me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
All I want is dick and wine.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
