can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
