I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
