Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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