somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
