mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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